Counseling is a specialized skill.   If you want to be a counselor, you will need higher formal education because you need both theory and application to sharpen your knowledge. This  is  one  of  my  learnings  in  my  Master’s  degree  thesis  entitled “Professionalism of Filipino Counselors in the Corporate Setting.”

Let me tell you a story to show why:

One Monday morning 10 years ago, I was in my office preparing some HR documents to present upon the arrival of the representatives of the International Organization for Standardization (ISO).   They were expected to come in the office any day of the week to check or audit if ISO standards were being followed.   This covered the company’s overall systems and even our daily routine at the office.

Suddenly, Roy who is a Production Department Engineer barged into my office.   He looked very stressed.

“Good morning!” I said in a happy tone.

The engineer turned to look at me, his eyes sad.

I tried another communication tactic. “If you are stressed because ISO auditors are

coming anytime this week,” I said, “just do your work, organize your documents and be yourself when asked.”

Shaking his head, the engineer replied, “I don’t have any problem with work, Ms. Caroline.”

“What is the problem?” I asked.   “You can tell me,” I said gently, observing him closely. I waited for him to be ready to open up.

After a moment, he replied, “Can I ask your opinion on how I will solve my personal problem?” he said. When I nodded encouragingly, he told me his story.

He shared that he had impregnated his two girlfriends.  Girlfriend 1 was the same age as him, 25 years old.  They have been together for five years.  Girlfriend 2 was only 18 years old, and they have been dating for two months.

Roy said that he loved his two girlfriends and he is undecided who to marry among
the two in case their parents required him to marry their daughters because of the
babies.

My initial reaction was to think that I had not encountered this complicated problem before with myself nor with anyone.

However, I also felt concern for him.   It was important that he does not feel judged
here, as it would not help him solve anything.  His burden was already heavy enough.

“How could I help this person?” I wondered silently.

Like a flash of inspiration, I realized that this case was similar to employee complaints. In such cases, I should apply the process of first getting honest information from employees, as shown in these three steps:

1.  I first make sure that the complainant sees me as an objective type of person
and impartial in handling the case. The hard part was to show no emotions at
all. In this way, the complainant will feel that I am not leaning towards anybody.
This encourages the complainant to give many proofs of his or her claims.   I
could  get  many  information  which  will  help  me  later  on  when  I  begin
investigating the case,

2.  In asking questions, I use what, how and why.   Such questions are designed to
get the truth from the complainant.   Sometimes, I even repeat my questions to
confirm the truthfulness of what was told. If the complainant is lying, there will
be inconsistencies in the data coming from her or him.

3.   Decisions are based on the gathered data and confirmed by witnesses who
were asked about the issue during the in-depth investigation.

My skills and training kicked in.   I started asking Roy some questions that would help him, based on the steps above.

“Roy, thanks for telling me your problem.   What have you done so far after learning that you will be the father of two babies?”  I asked him.

“Nothing yet,” Roy replied. “Actually, I just knew it last night. That’s why I am so

preoccupied.”

“What was their basis for telling you that you impregnated them?” I prodded.

“Just their words Ms. Caroline.   My girlfriend of 5 years informed me of the fact by
phone at 7pm and my other girlfriend informed me that she was pregnant too at
10pm.”

“What will I do?” He pointed to his eyes.   “It’s so hard! I did not sleep the whole night that’s why I have big eyebags.”

I stopped myself from smiling.  He needed to know that I was an impartial adviser.

“So what is your plan now?”   I finally asked him.  What I wanted him to realize was that he needed to arrive at a decision.    He needed to double-check the facts with his girlfriends and not just through phone.

But I cannot impose. He needed to realize it for himself.

Right on cue, a knock interrupted our meeting.    A guard opened the door and informed me that the ISO auditing team was ready to meet me.

Since I needed to attend to the auditors, I advised the Engineer to think about my question and to update me of his plans as soon as the ISO auditing was done.   In the meantime, I requested him to focus first on his work.     He agreed and returned to his work station.

Whew! I felt relieved as I went to meet the ISO auditors.   I hoped that our initial talk helped him in some way.

I was also a Psychology graduate student—MA Educ major in Guidance in the University of the Philippines at the time.   I was taking a subject called Counseling Theories and Techniques.   That week, we were learning this method called Rational Emotive Therapy (RET).   After listening to the professor and reading more about the topic, I realized that it was partly what I was already doing to help the engineer with his girlfriends!

What is Rational Emotive Therapy?

It is a  comprehensive  approach  to  treatment  and  education  that  uses  cognitive, emotive, and behavioral approaches.

Albert Ellis is the proponent of RET.  He says that a person’s belief system may consist of both a set of rational beliefs and irrational beliefs.   The irrational beliefs are the principal origin of emotional disturbance, and the main therapeutic goal of RET is to change them.

A counselor using RET helps clients identify and question their irrational beliefs in an active, didactic style.   Then teaching them how to replace these beliefs with rational, empirically founded beliefs.

This change in the client’s belief system results in new, more appropriate emotional responses to situations.

In helping the client, RET uses the A-B-C Theory.    A stands for activating event, B stands for belief about the activating event and C stands for Consequences.

Let’s see how the ABC Theory worked in the initial meeting with the engineer:

A-ctivating event: Engineer Roy impregnated two of his girlfriends; one is 25 years old with which he was in a five-year relationship with and the other one is 18 years old with whom he has a two-month relationship only.

B-elief about the activating event: Roy did not know what he will do in case the parents of his two girlfriends require him to marry their daughters (it is the culture in the Philippines that parents intervene in the marriage of their children if the daughter is impregnated).  This has affected Roy’s work performance in the company.

C-onsequence of the event and the belief: The engineer believed that when the parents of his two girlfriends intervene, he will be in deep disgrace to his family.   Or the marriage to either women may result to more serious emotional problems for all concerned.

Having identified the A-B-C, the next stage would be to help Roy discover and dispute his irrational beliefs. There are many techniques being used in order to dispute irrational beliefs, they can be cognitive, emotive and behavioral.

To do RET, one needs  further  education  and  actual  practice. If  I  did  not  study counseling  and  psychotherapy  during  graduate  school,  I  would  not  realize  the scientific basis for the techniques that I was already doing.

For HR people, knowing the scientific basis of our counseling actions at work adds to
our level of confidence in helping employees solve their problems and become
productive at work.  Facilitation  of  change  becomes  more  reliable  because  the
application  has  a  theoretical  basis. It helps us be more professional in our job,
because the action uses a specialized body of knowledge and theory-driven research.

What happened now in the story above?     After the engineer investigated the truthfulness of the information told to him by his two girlfriends, he discovered that their confessions were not true.   They had learned that he was dating them at the same time and wanted him to choose.

Roy decided to take it from there.    He was thankful for our meetings because it helped him balance his emotions and continue to work productively.  He was grateful that somebody was sharing his burdens with him. I advised him to be wise in his actions and wished him the best.

“All  problems  have  a  solution, you  just  need  to  know  where  to  seek  advice,”  I reminded him.

Through Roy I also realized the value of learning.   I was thankful that I was taking my Master’s degree at the time because it really helped me!   Now that I am a graduate, I always ensure that I applied the concepts of what I learned at work and at the same time I regularly update myself by attending seminars and conventions.